Listening, we have all been doing it from our childhood yet many of us are still doing it wrong. I do not think we do it wrong because we do not listen attentively or that we start giving advice while we should be just listening. These are all wrong, but even if we manage to avoid these we are still facing another obstacle, our mind. Our mind feeds on thoughts. This is why as soon as it finds a new subject, it starts to make judgements about it. When we listen to someone, we hear their words but what we understand from them is not only the content of their words, our mind adds its own judgements and points to them. It acts like an advisor who sits near a football couch and constantly give his opinion about what is going on. you might think not only this is not a bad thing, but it’s superb. We have a 24/7 advisor for free. What can be possibly be wrong with that. The main problem is that we are not aware of this and we do not distinguish between what the person has said and what our mind thinks about it and we take both of them as what the other person has said. The problem gets worse because like any advisor, our mind can be wrong sometimes.
As soon as we hear words, our mind starts to make judgements and then adds these judgements to the words and sells it to us as what the other person has said. For example, if our partner says: “I don’t feel like making out now baby”, Immediately, our mind rolls up its sleeve and starts making judgements: “she doesn’t want you.”, “she doesn’t find you attractive.” Of course these maybe true in certain conditions, but in many other they are wrong. Normally, at times like this, we tend to ask: “you don’t want me?” This shows that we have take what our mind said for granted or otherwise we would have leave room for other possibilities. True listening happens when we put our mind at rest and only listen to what a person is saying and not our judgments about them.
p.s. I am sorry oman for all the times I listened to you wrongly.