I’m Pete and I’m a cheater

betrayal - Renz Kristofer Cheng

“Hey, I’m Pete and I’m a cheater.” This is not how we start a conversation. We think people have the right to know that we are a lawyer or that we work out every day but they don’t need to know that we are a cheater. As a child, I always thought thieves were not human, at least not normal ones. I expected them to have a strange feature, weird eyes, black teeth, something. They couldn’t just look like us. This was till someone stole from our house and was caught. I remember not being mad at him for what he’d done, and instead being mad because he looked normal. He looked like a person I could see in the street and smile at. A fellow I could meet at the bar and make friends with.

Years passed and I grew up. I developed the same idea about cheaters. I thought you have to be an evil to become a cheater, the kind of person who doesn’t help beggars. But, then my second realization took place and left me shocked. I saw nice people cheat on their love, people who even recycled. Cheating, I realized, wasn’t a sudden change. It is not like you are drinking a coffee with the person you love and suddenly you have to choose between being a disloyal, betraying cheater or the loving prince. It happens so gradually you don’t notice, just like you never know the exact moment you fall asleep.

But, once you become a cheater you are a cheater and you can’t undo that. You will realize the scary thing about cheating is not getting caught but accepting yourself as a cheater. This way, even if they don’t find out, you know and that will be enough.

p.s. the painting is called betrayal – by Renz Kristofer Cheng


48 responses to “I’m Pete and I’m a cheater

  1. Such a wise post…I recall a line in The Big Chill where Jeff Goldblum’s character said most people can’t get through the day without at least one rationalisation and your post reminds me of that..so true that good people do cheat but don’t ant to see themsleves that way…that fascinating dissonance that is so human between what we want to see ourselves as and what we actually are, as evidenced by our actions. Real food for thought, thanks for posting! 🙂

  2. This post got me thinking… if only people did start a conversation like that, many hearts would be spared. To each their own, but I’ve seen it happen frequently around me. My first run in with a cheater would be my first ex. Should have spotted that one easily but at 16, I was none the wiser. As I got older, cheaters were harder to discern because they seemed “normal” to me. Some people were born to do it, and I’m starting to realize that they will never change. Temptation will always call out to them, and they will open the door every time. Great post.

    • couldn’t agree more. i can imagine how hard it becomes for a cheater not to open the door when temptation calls, but i believe there’s always a hope, there is always a chance to wait and turn back.

  3. I have been on both sides of this post. I have to say that neither side was a pleasant! I had to forgive my husband – which was actually easier than forgiving myself.

  4. Wise words well said…may god keep us away from opportunities where we might do things we stand against and may god keep us away from judging people quickly as false accusation is in my opinion as bad az the crime itself

  5. I’m thinking what this post would have delivered if we replaced “cheater” with “sinner”.
    And weather cheating is worse than making sins…we can think sins as cheating God but we don’t get upset of cheating him even when we are upset about being cheated. ^__^

    Also there is an alternation for “Hello, I’m Pete and I’m a cheater!” if we can’t say it honestly…we can simply restrain ourselves from saying “Hello, I’m Pete” ^__^

    Come on! I may kill myself if you just say “thank you” and please associate me with “Totoro” ^__^

  6. Wow, this is a really good point. I was like that when I was younger, thinking that thieves had to be big thuggish people but they aren’t always like that. My mum teaches yr 1s and a girl in her class always steals from others, she pretends that it’s actually hers. The other day she tried to take a pair of glasses home! But she isn’t thuggish at all, she’s tiny. I hope, for the sake of her, that she does change because it will be hard for her in life if she carries on this way. First it will be glasses and then it will be phones. I pity her if she doesn’t change. Do you think if we admitted it to ourselves we could eventually change? Thanks for this post, I always like reading your posts coz they’re just so amazing! 🙂

  7. We cheat in different ways: on a test, on a lover, at work but I believe it all stems from a need for validation: of our manliness, our attractiveness, our smarts. The blessing is getting caught and hopefully analyze our insecurities and move on to be accepted for who we are.

  8. Great post. You’re right, it is gradual. I don’t imagine that cheaters ever sit down and decide to go from loyal spouse to dirty rotten cheater. So you make a good point. Thank you for visiting my blog!

  9. I Say Bullshit ! We all want to be loved, accepted, understood, touched, wanted, needed, and heard. Why is there cheating? Because the one that we are with doesn’t give that to us anymore?
    Is it cheating or searching to be happy? Happy! Happy, in a world riddled with so much bullshit. North Korea training rockets on us, because they are jealous? Because of a whole life of living everyone else’s expectations, all I want is mine! Because I want to experience piece and freedom and love before I die? Because I want to be important? Is that so terribly wrong? Because I am tired and exhausted? Because I struggle every day to be me? Because you judge me? CHEATERS? There are no Cheaters, there are only people that want to be loved, and thought as in a Special manner, and wanted. That’s all !

    • I say thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment. I agree with you that people should feel happy and loved and thought as in a Special manner. I just wish this wouldn’t involve hurting others, for they also have the right to be happy. At least, that’s what I wish for myself to be a kind of person whose happiness doesn’t causes pain.

      • where? in your post? well, that’s humble 😀

        you can’t pick a sentence and say “this is not true”, but one might feel it’s a bit judgmental about cheaters. and by “cheaters” i mean those who are called “cheaters” by people. not real cheaters.

        Jamie Lee said “there are no cheaters”. I say there are real cheaters -those you can judge!-, and then there are some people who happen to get involved in some not-so-normal relationships, if you will.
        I mean it’s not just being a “disloyal, betraying cheater” or a “loving prince”. just like the way it happens, it varies, gradually.

        And my last point is, everything can be undone.
        Inna-allaha yaqfiro-zzonouba jamia

      • i love your last point. and to be honest that is why I wrote this post. I didn’t want to just tell people I hate cheaters (i might be one too, you never know) I wanted it to be like a trigger for maybe someone, a help for someone, to look back and change.

  10. But there are many ways to cheat on a person… Most people I know are cheaters in one way or another. I’ve accepted myself as a cheater a long time ago, although I’ve never really cheated on anyone, not in a serious way anyways… If that made sense…

  11. I had the same notion as you did as a child that thieves would be different from us. Nowadays I still look at my friend’s husband trying to see the cheater in him but I just can’t…

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