My Dear Alice, (how much I love your name.)
I have always thought about writing to you, but I never had the strength to do so. You were the strong one among us. I remember when your grandfather died you use to write letters to him every year. But, when my grandfather died I couldn’t even attend his funeral. I couldn’t take it. I felt like a heavy rock was put on my chest. You told me these things happen and I have to be prepared. I never thought I had to be prepared for losing you. I am not exactly sure what has changed and why I have chosen this moment, almost six years after you died left, to write to you. I have always talked to you in these years yet writing seemed so hard. But, thought maybe now it is a good time to write you a letter. Tomorrow is your birthday and you would turn 30.
You know, how before you left, we couldn’t wait to tell everything to each other. Well, baby, many things happened in these six years that I wanted to tell you. I knew no one would understand and enjoy them more than you. Many nights after I read stories for Sara and she sleeps I come to our room, lie down on my side of our bed and tell you everything. At times, I even feel you smiling, rolling your eyes and saying, ‘That’s my boy’. Sometimes, I imagine you are in the bathroom washing your teeth as I am talking and you will come to me any moment.
I know. You want to know more about Sara. Last time you hold her she was only 8 months old. She is a little girl now. Last November we celebrated her seventh birthday. Do you remember how excited we become when she started growing her first teeth? She grew all her milk teeth and now and they have started to fall. I have told her if she put the milk teeth she loses under her pillow before she sleeps you, our beautiful fairy, will come take the tooth and kiss her on her forehead. You should see how happy she becomes every time she loses a tooth.
You know Alice, at first, it was really hard for me to look at her. We decided to have a child because you used to say a child is the fruit of love. How could I look at the fruit of our love and not be able to see my love. But, now as she grows up, I can see you in her and things are becoming easier. She has your beautiful eyebrows – which you didn’t like yourself but I loved – your magical eyes and your unique smiles. Although you only were a mother for 8 months but I always knew you would be a great mother. I am doing my best now without you but believe me Sara and I both need you. I didn’t know what she had to wear for her birthday and it took me a long time to understand how to make our little girl feel better when she cries. Every time I fail her I tell myself if Alice was here she knew what to do. You seemed to know everything. You knew what we should get my brother for his wedding. You knew what I had to wear for my job interview. Haha, do you remember how sometimes I used to call you my personal yellow page?
By the way, honey, I took your advice and got into trading which turned out to be a great success after a couple of years. You always told me I could become successful and I always thought you were not being realistic. But, you were right. Sara and I have everything now, a beautiful house, a good car and many other things. We have learned to laugh again, but we still miss you, and think of you often. Still, not a day goes by without me thinking about you and loving you as much as I did the very first day we met. The day I came to the classroom and you were sitting at the end of the class near the window. When you saw me you smiled and I can still feel that smile.
I know I will see you again one day. I don’t know where is that or how but I am sure it will come. But till then, please come to my dreams more. I miss you calling my name. I miss calling your name. Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice AAALIICEEE Happy Birthday baby.
(Based on real stories I read in the guardian and what I have seen in life.)