I keep asking myself what happened to us. I keep looking back at the days when we were so close and wonder where it went wrong. I ask myself why can’t we understand each other. This used to be so easy in the past. We didn’t even need to say anything. Do you remember? I would look into your eyes and feel exactly how you felt. Why do we shout at each other these days? We never did that. Maybe we feel we are not heard. But, I am right next to you. I remember all the nights when we would wait for everyone to sleep and then start talking. You would whisper and I could hear you. I read somewhere when people shout it means that their souls are distant so to be heard they have to shout. Are we distant?
These are the questions I ask myself all the time. But I think I found the answer today, today when I received an email. I was asked to write another article for a journal and I was told that the theme for this edition is sacrifice. I read the word s-a-c-r-i-f-i-c-e and I remembered. I remember why I could understand your feelings so easily in the past. I remembered why we didn’t need to shout. I realized why our souls are distant now. The answer was with me all this time. In fact, I was the answer. I and My requests, My needs, My feelings, My wishes…. They don’t let me hear you. I don’t know when they started to get between us. But I know that before this, it used to be all about Our feelings, Our wishes, Our life. I am the distance between you and me.
To see you I should turn my back to myself. Then I will see you and when I see I will understand you and when I understand you we will want the same thing and we will be close again. Then when I look at you I will see myself too but this time our souls will be close and I will be happy.
As hard as it is for me to know that I have been the distance between us and the cause for our pains, but I am happy I have learnt something. I have learnt why I feel far from God at times even though “He is everywhere”. I have learnt how I can be distant from someone who is the closest to me and more important how to remove this distance.